Wednesday, 24 October 2012

What if?

I've been wondering lately about what ifs and the future, don't worry this post is writing related. Some people ask me what if my writing never makes it, and never means anything to anyone... normally i don't like to think so pessimistically but it just came to me what if it doesn't, will all the work i put into my writing just one day be worthless junk that's stored on an old computer hard drive that no one will think is important enough to check and read. I've only ever thought about the happy perfect life as an author, the one I dream of. The one where a small town girl from England can jet off to New york in search of a publisher and a new life, but still keeping her old one stable enough that it fits into New York time. The one where eventually she finds an agent or publisher that can make it all happen for her after living in a small studio flat and sending out her manuscript to anyone who will take it. It may not sound like much, but that's my dream, I want to struggle as much as humanly possible, so that when it does happen. I will feel like I earned it, like i really deserve it.
but what if that's just a pipe dream, what if i'm stuck here forever? what if my writing only ever gets read by me and my boyfriend? What if no one likes it at all? Should that thought make me stop forever the fear that I can't ever achieve my dream, that it's an impossibility for me, or should that be my drive, because thing that don't hurt, are never worth the drive...
It's just a crazy insecure thought process but i think it's worthwhile to think about what your life will be like if it doesn't pan out like you want it to. Maybe i'm too optamistic and need to be pushed down a peg or two into reality. Instead of living in my dream bubble where getting to be a published author isn't hard.
Sorry if i've droaned on, just ignore me if i have.
Anyway, see you soon. I have a surprise coming up for you on saturday but for now, here's a picture i found that suits Annie perfectly:


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